The lost art of courtship & chivalry

A Courtship in Brooklyn

A Courtship in Brooklyn (Photo credit: Tony Fischer Photography)

I feel as though the title of this kind of gives it away. Whatever happened to courtship & chivalry? The days when men would open doors and pull out chairs. When they would put a jacket down to cover a puddle, walk on the outside, offer jackets when their significant other is cold, flowers, hand holding….everything. Sure, I’ve dated men that open doors, that sometimes surprise with flowers, and many that walk on the outside (mostly after being reminded). But the act of courting has been lost.

I think it began in high school for me. In my attempt to be like the other girls, I desperately wanted a “boyfriend.” Really that meant someone that would come over every once in a while, hold my hand, and when we were out basically talk to me most of the time. But the act of courting never happened. There were no flowers, no actual dates. Our dates were group outings when all of our friends would get together. We may walk in together, holding hands, but very quickly our hands would seperate as we went off in opposite directions with our friends.

My “college” years were spent in Los Angeles, CA trying to merely survive. I was an itty bitty fish in a galaxy of an ocean. After 3 months of knowing no one, I made my first real friend. She gave me the confidence to be me at all times. I was outgoing again, talking to boys but the “dates” were evern further from the old fashioned idea of dating. I often felt as though men were taking me out to dinner or a movie because then I would owe them sex. Ah yes, male logic. I distinctly remember going to dinner with a man I randomly met a jury duty. He opened my car door, the restaurant door, took of my coat, and pulled  out my chair. I was so caught off guard that I nearly melted like putty in his hands. Lucky him.

Some time later I finally realized that as much as I wanted that date to be the norm it never would be unless I stopped accepting less. I believe that is what happened to this generation of women. We have become strong, independent, free thinkers, which is amazing! I am right there with you. But am I really the only one that misses the thoughtfulness of a man trying is hardest to woo you and win you over? To prove to you that he is the man you should be with?

All of these being said (or typed as it is) I too am a modern woman who sometimes just wants to have a good time, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. Except, I’m beginning to feel like my option is to have a good time or nothing. And quite honestly I’m not getting any younger.

Patience is not my strong suit, but I just keep hoping that some day a man will com e along who will sweep me off my feet, AND I’ll be attracted to him. That day can’t come soon enough.


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